Awakening, enlightenment, the light within and without, all have been tangled up as a topic for years now. I can’t honestly say whether awakening is going on for me or not, or what can truly define it. What I can offer is a simple perspective on it.
After all, truth is always coloured by the perceiver’s stories of past, present, and future. I simply offer mine.
Years ago, when this journey began, I had a romanticized story of how the sun would shine out of my butt when “I” got enlightened. How it was the thing to be sought after.
Choices were made along the way that actually began stripping me of everything I desired. Soon I realized that I never actually got anything I wanted. Of course, then followed my silent tantrums, a stalwart resistance movement, passive-aggressive behaviour towards God-the new parent, the incredible sulk phase and a few others before it dawned on me that the “taking away my toys” phase was merely teaching me to do without.
Then came the collapse of structures, peeling off of labels, fluidity where solidness existed, the porousness of opaque experiences, and a generic seeing through, almost like I had new clearer glasses on. But I didn’t know what to do with all that.
So here’s my take. If you are no longer feeling the same way you did about yourself even 2 years ago, you have already awakened to something.
More than paying attention to what you are thinking about, look at HOW you are thinking about it. We have a definite shift in perception when we are evolving and awakening. How long do you spend thinking about stuff now?
If you are in more of a space of seeing things exactly for what they are and the is-ness astounds you, with no stories attached or maybe very subtle stories, then you are awakening to a newer perspective.
You refuse to name, label, conclude, box, structure, slot, fix, peg, pin anything. People included. You are awakening to the willingness to constantly see how it changes in front of you and even if it does not turn out the way you demanded or preferred it, you still are in awe and then gratitude kicks in quickly because, how could it not? You are vibe-ing with love from the universe.
You don’t talk about enlightenment, you refuse to see yourself as spiritual, just feeling like a human being and seeing the beauty of being one is sufficient for you.
People, animals, the cycles of nature, the way things work hold you in wonder more than running behind things that once you thought gave you joy. You become an experience junkie rather than a collector or hoarder. You are awakening to the beauty of all creation. I’ve even stood in my shower once amazed at how gravity works. Don’t ask. This probably reads “insane” right now. That brings me to the most important point.
That, you get called insane a lot. Wear it like a badge of honour. You are that close to losing it fully. You give up things in a jiffy, walk away from stuff, shrug your shoulders nonchalantly when things don’t go in your favour, not much rattles you now, you love more solitude, you prefer selected pre-approved company and that too not for long, tend to others with care you never knew, self-love now means spending time most with self and things the self loves. All pointers of awakening.
See, it’s not that big a deal. No sun shining out of your butt, unfortunately. But it is definitely rising in your heart and in your mind. Watch that sunrise.
It’s here to light up the universe’s most beautiful creation. You.
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