I skipped writing to you last week. I just didn’t feel it. No words came.

14 days went by like that.

I went into my bat cave and sat there with myself. I didn’t meet friends or family. Did housework, took care of the kid. Met my work partner and just sat with myself. I was not depressed or anything. Just nothingness happened. Blank.

I realized how many of us are our own worst enemy. I rarely get chances to huddle with myself. (Huddle: “nestle closely”).

Interesting things occur when we spend time with ourselves. First and foremost we seek distraction. To run away from us. TV, Music, Reading, Gaming, Mobile, Cooking, and yes even meditation are escaped. We cannot stand ourselves. Wonder how we expect others to.

Next, if we can manage to get through the distraction phase, we start to believe every thought occurring in our minds and get emotional, teary-eyed, sad, morose, morbid, I am throwing the dictionary at you..we pretty much go through it all. If you manage to get past this stage, we directly go to existential angst. Yep. The quintessential “why I am here, what is the purpose of my life”

Sigh.

So I sat through it all. Did it all and funnily I am still alive, kicking, laughing and doing everything I always have. Except for one small thing. I don’t need to go to my bat cave anymore. You see, I understood the futility of that place. All the distractions, the getting emotional, etc made me realize just one simple thing.

I am greater than it all. I am have always been.

So now when I huddle with myself, it’s more a hug, some words of kindness and inspiration to self. Then ask what requires my time, energy and attention. Mundane tasks have become richer, colorful and fuller because when we ask from this space, the mind floods with images and words and things that have been pulling at our attention for a while, but we have been too busy hating ourselves to look.

Self huddles are time outs for you. To reconvene, reconsider, relook, review and revise yourself and the world your creating. What are we spending ourselves on? Where are we spending ourselves on? And is any of it closer to what we would actually love to do?

Are the people we spend ourselves on, bringing us closer to ourselves or taking us further away? Are the tasks we spend ourselves on amounting to the greater one we have an impulse to do? Where are we going?

Try self huddling this week. No distractions. Get emotional. Breakdown. Cry. Let that energy leave you. Get up, Shower. Step out. Shine. Simple.

Love

Aditi Nirvaan