I have been asked to write about this topic by several people lately. Having survived it a few times over and reinventing myself every one of those times, I have apparently laid the foundation for some sort of guideline/step wise process of resilience for many. So, at their behest, here we go.
The Big Breakup is more common now than coming together or unions of hearts or even marriages. It somewhere peaked and plateaued around 2012…remember? The supposed year of everything ending? Well I guess that was the beginning of the end of the world for many and more viral than anything I’ve seen.
There is a sense of coming apart of oneself when we know that The Big B is around the corner. For most it becomes a starting point or reason to come for therapy and they end up finding themselves over time. A tipping point for transformation.
But when you know it is happening, everything already begins to shift in you. You may still technically be umm…er… “together” for the rest of the world, but you have never been more further apart. Unacknowledged distance between two people may seem like ignorance is bliss. But when the sh*tstorm finally hits you, it feels like the ground underneath your feet is gone and you are falling into the abyss. A tad overdramatised? Perhaps yes, but anyone worth their weight in salt who has been through it, they will be nodding their heads in agreement right about here.
What do you do during a break up? What is the right move to make? What could constitute the wrong one? The “what if’s” are numerous, the buts are even greater and let’s not even get started on the why’s. Hope is the word that we stretch like Jane Fonda’s spandex leotards. We hang on to it inspite of knowing the reality that stares us in the face.
There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is a sane and insane way though. Sanity would be ensuring that whatever you choose should finally give you peace. And I don’t mean moksha or enlightenment.
I mean where you are left of “wanting” the least. There will be “give some and get some”. No one wins in a break up. Ever. You get left with morsels of yourself and perhaps the other. And one is always hit harder first and the other later. We all show it in different ways.
My recommendation is to remember some critical things that we tend to forget in these times:
Break ups are some one the hardest things to hit you that make you the softest person around. The process is the same as someone dying (the grieving process and it’s commonly known 5 stages). But oh there is SO MUCH to be grateful for. This soul who came to you, transformed you with their arrival and transformed you even more when they left. How much kindness and love is there in just that? And if you can begin to see that, truly “SEE” it, you won’t need anything else. Love lesson 101 is done. You are then swimming in gratitude and your soul is at peace.
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