Growth is rarely alone. Only the learning is.
Our spiritual, mental and emotional growth is tied in with others. People who mirror us, support us, get in our way, thwart our efforts, all contribute to us. Growing and learning is deeply personal. This is for all relationships in the world. The people closest to us being our family and friends, colleagues and neighbours all play a hand in it.
But what happens when our mindset shifts and we want something much more in life? Way beyond what close people can see us as and envision us to be? Much more than what they know of us?
A bunch of school friends recently got together for a dinner where one of my dear friends attended. She came back and told me something interesting. In school, I was a prankster and someone who got into trouble on a regular basis. I was known for my sarcasm, humor and being bold. Many were intimidated by me then. So when these same school friends see me on social media, read my website, and read my blogs find it impossible to fathom that I am the same person who now does what she does. I don’t think they can even imagine me meditating as I was someone who could not sit still for a second. This friend who has been in regular touch with me laughed so hard trying to explain to them that I am not at all what they think I am. People who know us often do not know us at all. To quote the great Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes comics “I am related to people I do not relate to”. Our work, career, marriage and having children shapes us. Life’s curveballs shape us. Intrinsically we may be the same people to friends and family, but we cannot be more different in what we want out of our lives anymore. These people remain who we come home to. They aren’t what will shape our future in the world outside. They will keep us real at home.
So do we do this journey alone then? The fear of being alone is a major factor in why women do not choose to be powerful and successful in their lives. They fear they will end up being abandoned or misunderstood or both. And it seems like a very valid factor in not wanting to succeed. But hanging on to this reason alone seems tragic when there is available a horde of women who are in exactly the same place! Thousands of other women face the same dilemma. That they desire to create so much more with their lives but these fears stop them short. If these women with the like-mindedness sought each other out and supported each other in assuaging these fears, they could catapult themselves into the future beyond their wildest dreams.
I have a small circle of women who I am not sure I can define as friends. I call them soul sisters or my tribe. We share values such as growth, evolution, self-inquiry, transformation, being productive in society, compassion, keeping ourselves real and raw and resilient. We don’t do lunches and trips, we don’t gossip nor go to the salon and spa together, we don’t watch movies together, we don’t hang out with our kids together, we do none of the things I do with some friends. We meet over coffee or at each other’s place and we dive deep into exposing ourselves to each other with a call to be examined, taken apart and learn. We share where we think we screwed up from the last time we met each other, what expectations we had out of something in our lives and it wasn’t met, what emotions we felt and how better we can deal with it and most of all we give and receive complete honesty. We look at each other’s work and critique it with compassion and understanding where the other desires to go with it. These women are not there to entertain me and nor I, them. We are simply there to walk each other to the goal. My tribe is as critical to me as my closest friends, family, my kid or men in my life.
Because these women are seeking out a lot of the same things in life that you are, they don’t judge; They know what it is like to be in your place and what they bring to the table is experience, lessons, and perspective. They also see what’s missing and add to it. It’s such a better use of time and energy than judging anyway. All involved benefit.
There is a system within you that guides you to become what you are meant to become, that is Entelechy. The entelechy of a mango seed is to be a mango tree, of a walnut to become a walnut tree. What is in your design and DNA to become what you are meant to become. Your tribe sees your potential and your entelechy. They get the value you offer the world. While friends, family and life partners may see it too but to verbalize it in a way that supports and nurtures your growth to your goals is what the tribe offers.
Where women fear shame, guilt, and isolation in their pursuit of being powerful and successful women, the tribe provides nurturance, emotional and mental strength and a place for women to shine. Kinship is offered based on similar values, goals, and ethics. You are a bunch of kindred spirits. Connectivity on this level is critical to your personal and spiritual development. Your tribe becomes your spiritual next of kin.
Your tribe will remind you of that. When you are full up and offering to contribute to others, the feeling of being full up and enough spreads like a good virus. And even if you do not feel it at the beginning, you will eventually have it as the tribe vibrates it. Be really aware of who you choose as the tribe. Connect with women who are already powerful within themselves and are looking to connect to others who are in the same place or are committed to doing so.
Your spiritual and work success will hinge on the right tribe. When you vibe with these women, bounce off your creative ideas, strategies, goals, vision, and path with them. Those more experienced will offer you new pathways to get there, those inexperienced will be given hope and everyone can be inspired to reach greater heights. Vibing with power becomes the mantra within the tribe.
Some types of Tribes you can connect with based on your desires:
You cannot become more of you without the support of others. Becoming yourself is not causeless. It is the effect of the company you keep, the people you interact with and the lessons with them. Having just friends is nice, but if you desire to have more of yourself, you have to reconnect with those that can help you fulfill your inner calling. You are after all a combination of the 5 immediate people you interact with regularly. Choose wisely.
There are lots of things to learn, so much information on it.
Your blog really inspires me a lot.
Thank you so much! Hope you are well.